25.) I was the 27th Beatle

24.) My hair is an homage to former Attorney General Janet Reno

23.) My wife wears women’s underwear

22.) I was once arrested for riding a horse while intoxicated. That horse was shitfaced.

21.) I am a shunned member of the Amish community… I keep some of their numbers in my mobile though, but they never return my calls.

20.) I cheated on my wife once…. At gin rummy. 7 ACES FOR THE WIN!!!!

19.) I produce Spanish and Ethiopian language radio. (that’s actually true)

18.) I killed Heath Ledger to make sure “The Dark Knight” would get better box office numbers than “Iron Man” DC Universe Fo Life!!!

17.) I make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.. So does everyone else. King of hard to fuck up three ingredients. Maybe if you used one slice of bread and put the peanut butter on one side and the jelly on the other….

16.) I watch edited porn for the story lines.

15.) My work chair leans back and to the left, back and to the left, back and to the left….

14.) Marcia Lynch is the only one who is going to actually read this far in to the list. Hi honey!!!

13.) I once had a dream about being a cigar waitress in a 1920’s jazz bar.

12.) I like peanut butter.

11.) My dream job is to be a writer for Saturday Night Live.

10.) My guitar gently weeps.

9.) My dieing wish is to have dildos hidden all over the place at my wake so that the family that uses the room next finds dildos wherever they sit. (Hint. Hide a few in the tissue boxes. Nothing more awkward than blindly handing a grieving widow a big ol’ dildo to wipe her eyes with)

8.) This is the second time I’ve written about dildos today. Check my twitter conversation with @NotoriousPlinko for the first. (Now it’s the third time)

7.) My original middle name was Hateshimself. It turned out to be a self fulfilling prophesy, so it was changed to Christopher. Now I hate myself for having such a horrible middle name like Christopher.

6.) Everybody thinks I named Michael Bruce after Bruce Wayne. This was all a ruse to hide the fact that my true inspiration was Bruce Vilanch.

5.) I once ate a shit sandwich… lksdeqrwi vjefd (Dammit Neil, stay away from my keyboard)

4.) Here is a picture of a cat.

(tricked you…)

3.) There are three pictures of dogs in this post… Janet Reno counts, right?

2.) I intend to shave off my chest hair to donate it to the American Cancer Society once it gets long enough. I’m so close to giving someone the gift of the worst cancer wig ever.

1.) I have a website.

Humor